so i’m reading this book and wrestling with it a little bit in the second section. the author is in india, living in a temple for a couple of months and pretty much the whole time is spent meditating and praying and chanting – to whom? i don’t know, but i’m trying to find the pieces in this section that i resonate with. to me, some of it is a little… well… out there, but i’m trying not to let it hold me back from continuing on with the book.
so there’s one part that really struck me (page 132):
Like most humanoids, I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the “monkey mind” – the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl. From the distant past to the unknowable future, my mind swings wildly through time, touching on dozens of ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined. This in itself is not necessarily a problem; the problem is the emotional attachment that goes along with the thinking. Happy thoughts make me happy, but – whoop! – how quickly I swing again into obsessive worry, blowing the mood; and then it’s the remembrance of an angry moment and I start to get hot and pissed off all over again; and then my mind decides it might be a good time to start feeling sorry for itself, and loneliness follows promptly. You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.
The other problem with all this swinging though the vines of thought is that you are never where you are. You are always digging in the past or poking at the future, but rarely do you rest in this moment. It’s something like the habit of my dear friend Susan, who – whenever she sees a beautiful place – exclaims in near panic, “It’s so beautiful here! I want to come back here someday!” and it takes all of my persuasive powers to try to convince her that she is already here. If you’re looking for union with the divine, this kind of forward/backward whirling is a problem. There’s a reason they call God a presence – because God is right here, right now. In the present is the only place to find Him, and now is the only time.
yes, i see about 5 red flags in that based on my “christian filter”, but if you step back, i think there’s something to be said for these points:
“…and then my mind decides it might be a good time to start feeling sorry for itself, and loneliness follows promptly.” i do this WAY more than i should. i slip into a junior high mentality of “no one wants to spend time with me… we must not be as good of friends as i thought we were” and put myself into this vicious tailspin of self-pity and loneliness that can eat at me for days! why do i allow satan to do that? why do i compare myself (good or bad) to other people and then just end up feeling sorry for myself? why can’t i constantly be reminded that what other people think or say or even – what i think other people are thinking (oh that’s the worst!) don’t matter?
“You are always digging in the past or poking at the future, but rarely do you rest in this moment.” goodness! that’s convicting. i am guilty of constantly poking at the future. hoping that “one day” we will have a house and “one day” we will have a family and “one day” we will live close enough to our church to get more involved and “one day” we will have the money to do such-and-such. or “i can’t wait until’s…” that i say ALL THE TIME. “i can’t wait until” christmas! “i can’t wait until” i lose another 10 pounds! “i can’t wait until” friday! why are we so wrapped up in thinking that the future is where it’s at? why can’t we seize the moment and make the most of every day? why does it have to wait until tomorrow or next week or next year? why not today? james 4:14 “yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.” live it up TODAY!
okay… i’m off to seize the day 
